By Porcelain_Doll
Sammy had stolen the rabbi's gold watch. He didn't feel too good about it, so he decided, after a sleepless night, to go to the rabbi.
"Rabbi, I stole a gold watch."
"But Sammy! That's forbidden! You should return it immediately!"
"What shall I do?"
"Give it back to the owner."
"Do you want it?"?
"No, I said return it to it's owner."
"But he doesn't want it."?
"In that case, you can keep it."
After much urging by his wife, Uncle Joe applied for work on a farm. The foreman decided to give him a try and told him to milk a cow, equipping him with a stool and a bucket.
An hour later, Uncle Joe returned dirty and sweaty, the bucket in one hand and the broken stool in the other.
"Extracting the milk was easy," he explained, "The worst part was getting the cow to sit on the stool!"
The teacher said, "Now class, we know there are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, and 365 days in a year... so who can tell me how many seconds there are in a year?"
All the kids looked baffled by the question, except Rufus, who raised his hand and waved it excitedly.
"Rufus, how many seconds are there in a year?" the teacher asked.
Rufus replied, "Twelve ma'am. January second, February second, March second..."
The Fun Holidays of March: A fun way to claim reason to skip school for every day of march!
March 1: Saint David's Day
March 2: Boot Hill Day
March 3: Open Wide Day
March 4: Old Rock Day
March 5: Bridge Player's Day
March 6: Brownie Pie Day
March 7: Salt Water Day
March 8: Alfred Hitchcock Day
March 9: Potato Chip Day
March 10: Raven Legend Day
March 11: Johnny Appleseed Day
March 12: Girl Scout Day
March 13: Jewelry Lovers Day
March 14: Irish American Day
March 15: Ides of March Day
March 16: Tumble Weed Day
March 17: Saint Patrick's Day
March 18: I Can Crochet Day
March 19: Lets Laugh Day
March 20: Barbie Doll Day
March 21: It's Spring Day
March 22: Roller Coaster Day
March 23: Nice Fragrance Day
March 24: Harry Houdini Day
March 25: Chocolate Raisins Day
March 26: Be a Mime Day
March 27: Cherry Blossom Day
March 28: Garden Seeds Day
March 29: Have a Pickle Day
March 30: Frozen Food Day
March 31: Coloring Crayons Day
Today, I wanted to see how well I could imitate my cat's meow, so I started meowing loudly. My brother in the next room yelled at my cat to shut up. I'm unreasonably proud of myself. MLIA
Today, I had no pants on when my sister came home. She looked at me, then proceeded to take off her pants and run around screaming: "PANTS OFF TUESDAY!" MLIA
Today I was early for class. As I was leaning against the wall I recited the first two pages of Harry Potter to myself from memory because I have read it so much. Little did I know I was leaning on the loudspeaker button. Everyone came out of their classrooms and applauded me. I curtsied. MLIA
Yesterday, a spider bit me. To my dismay, I did not get super powers. Yet. MLIA
Today, I was doing a fantasy photo-shoot with some friends. My character had a sword. There was a bee flying around my head and, being afraid of bees, I swung whatever was in my hand at the time. Turns out I cut the bee in half with my sword. The sword was made of cardboard. I felt awesome. MLIA.
Today, I looked up crazy laws for my state. Apparently, it is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday. I live in Ohio. MLIA.
Today, I bought a dinosaur flashlight from Goodwill. Upon putting batteries in it I discovered it growls every time it is turned on. Three dollars well spent. MLIA
