By xMooneyx
"How To: Capture a Leprechaun"
So let me get this straight, you want to capture a leprechaun, eh? I don't know what you have planned for the little guy, but I'm pretty sure it's best that I don't know your intentions. However, I must say that I think you'll have better luck trying to trap and cage an Irish fellow instead; you stick a glass of Guinness in a cage, wait a few minutes, then quickly slam and lock the door closed when one goes running in.
But I know what you're all thinking. Why just have an Irish man when you can have an wee bitty one? There's no pleasing you people, is there? But alas, you shall have your leprechaun if you follow these steps:
The good thing about this is you can be as creative as you want. Feeling lazy? A box and a stick is for you - although, I really don't recommend something this simple; if you want a leprechaun, don't be lazy. If you are looking at something a bit more complex, I would suggest incorporating things that draw the leprechaun's attention like big green top hats or rainbows. If I were to make one, I'd build a little Leprechaun Casino where not only do I get to keep the leprechauns, but I get all the little gold coins they carry in their pockets too.
So for once, let's be logical people. Leprechauns are small; that means I doubt placing the trap on top of the refrigerator would be a good idea. I would also rule out underwater as well... that is, unless you want a whole bunch of dead leprechauns, but whatever floats your boat (no pun intended.) I would pick out a spot that fits with your trap. If you decided to go with a green trap, then perhaps sticking it in a place that is also green like in the grass outside. Anything low to the ground also seems like a pretty safe bet. I doubt they're going to be attracted to something that is vastly out of their reach.
Let's be realistic, we're trying to catch leprechauns not Santa Claus, so milk and cookies just won't work (besides, then we'd need a much bigger trap). Leprechauns are pretty fond of Lucky Charms cereal, four-leaf clovers, pretty female leprechauns, and gold. I would suggest picking something that is convenient and available to you. If you're from Australia and have absolutely no idea what Lucky Charms are because your country is severely deprived of sugary cereals, it wouldn't make sense for you to go looking for some for the trap, would it? If you were making the Leprechaun Casino, I would suggest drawing on paper and setting up pictures of fake gold and pretty female leprechauns. If you're feeling like being in a really snazzy mood, you can even print them out from the computer.
This is probably the most important rule for capturing a leprechaun. While I know you all have the patience of a two year old, you can't expect a leprechaun to come waltzing in the moment your trap goes up. No, that would be too easy. You have to understand that these little creatures are very rare and shy and odds are, you will be unsuccessful.
So if by some miracle you're actually successful in capturing a leprechaun, consider yourself quite lucky. If you're not, please don't blame your luck on me. It's not my fault you failed, is it?